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About Deviant Member Catalina CieloFemale/United States Recent Activity
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suri888
Catalina Cielo
United States
Favourite genre of music: Rock, alternative ect..
Favourite cartoon character: scoobydoo!
Personal Quote: "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages." - T. Williams
Interests
  • Mood: Bemused
  • Listening to: sick puppies
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it a effect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
_____________________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th ?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
_________________________ _ _____ _______
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he w as sitt ing on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
_____________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can yo u be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

That's just plain silly :D

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:icontitansfighter01:
TitansFighter01 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
Nice gallery.
Reply
:iconsuri888:
suri888 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2009
thank you=)
Reply
:icontitansfighter01:
TitansFighter01 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2009
Your cute if you dont mind me saying. :)
Reply
:iconsuri888:
suri888 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2009
haha not at all. thanks
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(1 Reply)
:iconhungrycreative:
HungryCreative Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
Luv the journal my friend! I needed that! :lmao:
Reply
:iconsuri888:
suri888 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
haha, anything to help!
Reply
:iconhungrycreative:
HungryCreative Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
preciate it my friend! I enjoyed your :gallery: as well! Prolly shoulda mentioned that! :doh:
Reply
:iconsuri888:
suri888 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
aha, thanks a lot. i justed looked at yours its very nice i must say!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconframedbynature:
FramedByNature Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2008  Student Photographer
Thanks for the favorite! :boogie:
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:iconliam-jones:
liam-jones Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the :+fav: and comments :D
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